Wrap not Rap

I just had to tell everyone about my new favorite commercial. It is the new McDonald's commercial about the new Chipotle BBQ Snack Wrap. It is the snack wrap you love but a little spicier. If you do not know what commercial I am speaking of, here is the link to the commercial.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63rkNFeSYco

Now let me give you the back story of the commercial since I have watched it and analyzed it over 76 times.

Our hero is about to go and help his Mexican friend move her art of Mexican hip-hop around her house. When he gets a call from her telling him to, "bring her a wrap with a little spice." Our hero says no problem, but as soon as he hangs up the phone he is in a conundrum, did she say to bring her a "wrap" with a little spice or a "rap" with a little spice? Our hero knows how much this friend is into the Mexican hip-hop scene but also knows that she might be hunger from moving all her hip-hop art. What is our hero supposed to do? He decides instead of calling her back to confirm which of the two she was wanting, he brings over both. First he goes to McDonald's and orders the NEW Chipotle BBQ Snack Wrap (only at participating McDonald's) he then calls his buddy Rico explaining the situation he is in and asks him to come up with a Mexican rap about this girl and her beauty. Rico says no problem and within minutes Rico has written a song and they are on their way to this girls house. Confident that his plan is flawless, our hero informs Rico that he is going to add his own lyric at the end of his rap about the girl. Rico allows him on the condition that he gets one of the NEW Chipotle BBQ Snack Wraps. Our hero knocks on the door and the girl answers it while her two friends are in the process of moving some of her Mexican hip hop art. Rico begins his rap as our hero looks on confident with his plan in motion. At the end of Rico's rap our hero adds a little spice to the rap with his "wiki wiki". The girl now looking more confused than ever is trying to process why her friend would bring her a Mexican rap. Our hero explains to her that she told him to bring "rap" with a little spice. The girl explains in anger ,"Wrap! not rap!" She is furious with our hero because she will not get to have McDonald's NEW Chipotle BBQ Snack Wrap. Our hero though has been planning all along for this moment. He quickly acts as if he did not realize she meant "wrap" instead of "rap" shows her the McDonald's bag and laughs off his first attempt of the rap like it was all a big joke. Our hero goes away victories and thanks his buddy Rico at the end with McDonald's NEW Chipotle BBQ Snack Wrap and attempting to wrap his name that the end. This commercial had it all drama, suspense, humor, and our hero gets the girl at the end. Oh I also forgot to mention that today's Blog Post was sponsored by McDonald's NEW Chipotle BBQ Snack Wrap (only at participating McDonald's)

Unsung Hero

I do not know about you but when I go out to the bars and have to go to the bathroom I love it when there is a bathroom attendant in there. This has to rank 7th on my list of greatest inventions, just behind air guitar and pushing the key guitar to 8th. I do not know if they have these attendees in the women's bathroom because I have never ever ever ever ever been in a women's bathroom... well it happen two times one time when Lisa from work broke the toilet in the women's bathroom creating some short of massive whirl pool in the toilet. Me being a man and supposedly knowing how to fix these, did my best but could not. The other time was just my accident because they did not label the doors well enough and when I walked in and saw all stalls and no urinals I quickly hit reverse and backed out unnoticed thankfully.

Anyway back to bathroom attendants, these guys are the greatest. He's a quick with a joke or to light up your smoke but there's someplace that he'd rather be. He says "Pat, I believe this is killing me,"as the smile ran away from his face "well I'm sure that I could be a movie star if could get out of this place." la la didi daala la didi daadaa dum. Sorry I was listening to Piano Man while writing.

Bathroom attendants are always there for you when you need a towel or a mint or when you need to smell good, they are the best to suggest which cologne. My guy the other night Randall gave me a good cologne and helped me dry my hands. They are the unsung hero's of the bathroom. I always tip these guys and I suggest that you all do too.

It is begin to look alot like Christmas

I was so excited I had to tell everyone that I already got my Christmas shopping done already! This is a first for me since I am usually one of those last minute Christmas eve shoppers trying to find the Chia Pet in a 7-Eleven. "Merry Christmas mom and dad it is another Chia Pet you love so much". Well not this year, I got everyone some great gifts. I do not want to spoil what I got for everyone because that would ruin the joy of the birth of our savior. I will tell you though I got a really good deal from this Chinese man who was just basically giving away all these great toys. All name brand stuff too, do not know why he was giving them away but its a steal for me. The Chinese man did give me one warning with these toys. He told me not to put any of the toys in my mouth. Just a heads up when you get your gift from me there will be a nice note from me cautioning you not to be tempted to taste the toys.

125 days and counting till our saviors Bday!!!

Vote or Die

When I was first told about office politics I thought it was some sort of office version of a high school student government. I thought that we got to vote on different people in the office to be president and then they would go fourth and fill the duties of the other office people. Basically the popular office people would be voted in, then get the cool offices in the building and basically fight to get more vending machines and water coolers so we can sit around and talk about popular TV shows from last night. Man some times high school is just like real life.

Turns out I was way wrong on this one. Looks like office politics is a bunch of back stabbing and being shady to get their own personal gain. What would our fore fathers think? Since I am just a new employee I really have no say in any matter or can control too much. I do not know which parties there are in office politics, but I am considering the Libertarian Party. Not that it is all bad, but it is a new world I am being exposed to.

Working at Ohio State almost feels like working for a big corporation like AT&T or Time Warner. Basically my life is slowly turning into an unfunny version of the movie "Office Space" I am serious. We have a guy in the office whose is the like the Michael Bolton character except his name is Andy Devito and he does not like when you make jokes about him and the actor (serious). I do not have a red stapler that I am obsessed with, its blue. If anyone tries to take my blue stapler I am going to burn the office down.

Who you going to call???

I do not know how many of you are educated with the "street" but I have spent my time down on the street and consider my self an honoree ambassador to help educate you middle class folk.

I want to let you in on a new trend that is finally hitting Columbus. It is called "ghost riding the whip"

Ghost riding is when a person puts the car in neutral or allows it to idle and then the driver (and passengers) of a vehicle exit while it is still rolling and dance beside it (for those who do not know, "whip" means car.)

Basically this is the coolest thing to do ever since rolling down your windows and blaring your music to let people know what music you are into. Now you can show off your favorite music plus your dance moves.

Ghost riding is also known as "going Patrick Swayze," or just "going Swayze," referring to Patrick Swayze's lead role in the movie Ghost.

It is probably just as cool as your friends jumping off a bridge, so I recommend everyone doing this. I have been doing this lately and I am the toughest kid in Columbus. Once I can get a video posted on this blog you can see me ghost riding, but just imagine me "going Swayze" with my Subaru Outback, as I am popping and locking along side it. Until I can post the video here is the instructional video on how to ghost ride a car.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJDLRCXR2ZM&mode=related&search=

He's All That

I have started to notice when I meet new people at work or at the bars there is a central theme that keeps getting brought up and it is starting to annoy me. People keep telling me I look like Freddie Prinze Jr. First of all I correct them and tell everyone that its the other way around, he looks like me.

Here are photo evidence that prove Freddie Prinze Jr. is actually copying my style.

oh a suit, real original Freddie and looking away from the camera, where ever did you get that idea from?

He even copied me when I was going through a phase of shaving my head.

Seriously dude stop copying me, get your own style.

I also think that because Freddie is copying me, he stole my girl. That's right, if Sarah Michelle Gellar would have seen me first and not this copy cat, we would be married and having beautiful babies, unlike Freddie which are all going to ugly babies that he teaches to copy me.

Well I guess imitation is the greatest form of flattery.

Though because of his "fame" it is getting a little out of hand in my world. My boss will introduce me to other people in the office as Freddie Prinze Jr. When I go out to a bar people will come up and want to get pictures with me. I am more than happy to take a picture with a fan but I just get annoyed with the paparazzi, I mean I have a right to a private life.

I basically just wanted to get people aware of the fact the Freddie Prinze Jr. is just riding my coat tails and this needs to stop. I am sending Freddie a seise and desist on him copying me. I am also suing Freddie for copyright infringement, I am asking that I get the royalties he collected from his movies because the only way he got those roles was because of his looks (have you seen Summer Catch, he did not get that for his acting). My lawyer, whose office is a mall kiosk, thinks I have a good chance on this case. I will keep you informed on the proceedings, you are going down Freddie. (careful he might change is name to Pat Prinze Jr.)

Moving on up

In all the busyness of starting a new job, embarrassing myself in front of my new coworkers with sand all over me, and having my cheek balloon out I have not gotten a chance to talk about me new digs. As some of you might remember my old apartment in Iowa City I called it the crack house, basically I did not live in the nicest area of town. Every month or so their would be a domestic disturbance problem in the neighborhood that would bring out the local police. My apartment was very small 1 bedroom and you get what you pay for. Not to say that it was all bad because I will miss talking to our local bum Harold who always rummaged through our dumpster every Saturday morning. He was a nice guy where I set some cans aside just for him. Well my new place is a huge upgrade. Comparing the two the view here is right off the river, the crack house was a level view of the parking lot and Harold in the dumpster. My last place had a grand total of 340 square feet, the new place has over 650 square feet. Which means I have a lot of living space that I have never had before. If someone is to walk into my place you can tell I have no idea what to do with all this space. It is a work in progress but I bet by the time I leave I will get a couch, no guarantees I am not good on getting stuff like that so we will see. Any suggestions of how to decorate would be appreciated look at what I am dealing with.

Look away I'm hideous, part deux

Well it is your typical Tuesday evening for me, drinking beer and watching Everybody Loves Raymond. Well I decided to write another posting just to spice up my Tuesday. First things first, some of you have not believed my posting a week back that my face swelled up and I had to take my staff picture with my disfigured face and that the photo I posted was not me. I was technically telling the truth. That picture was not me on the Buckeye ID, that was actually photoshop photo of Rocky Denis from the hit movie Mask staring Cher. Everything else is completely true and to prove my point here is the picture on Friday of my face.


As you see I am starting to look like Rocky from the hit movie Mask. Also I am looking like a picture you see either on Americas Most Wanted or to Catch a Predator. To set the record I am not wanted on Americas Most Wanted or a predator I just want to set that record straight in case future employers look at this.

Right now nothing to much new is going on, the job is getting a little more stressful with the season getting closer and alot of meetings I have been attending. I have started to notice I am wearing more and more Dockers pants and less jeans which is very scary to me and making me have a young life crisis, as I think my youth is starting to leave me as I get older. I think I might go do your typical young life crisis and purchase a bunch of Ambercrombie clothes and maybe get some aviator sunglasses. I do not want to let go of my youth it is all I got going for me.

With great power comes great responsibility

I do not want to alarm anyone but I think I may have discovered time travel. I know I did not believe myself at first but I began to notice things that fueled my suspension when I moved out to Ohio. First I noticed that my cell phone jumped an hour ahead with out me touching it. Second, the 10 O'clock news did not start at 10, but at 11. Finally some one told me everything is an hour ahead from what I was in Iowa. Don't be alarmed but I have time traveled an hour into the future. First of all it is nothing like the future in Back to the Future II, people are not flying around in hover cars, kids to not have hover boards as skate boards, and there are no sporting book almanacs that I could send back to the present and become a billionaire, trust me I was looking. The future seems to be pretty much the same, George Bush is are president, we are at war in Iraq, and we are having oil problems. Wait a second, maybe I am not in the future at all, but the past? I think I am in 1991, oh my god I must warn the future about boy bands, the XFL, Tom Cruise, and Tickle Me Elmo's.

Look away I'm hideous.

OK first of all I am in a depressed mood with KG going to Boston, Johan Santana wanting to leave the Twins, and the Vikings just being the Vikings basically it is not a good time for MN sports right now. I solider on keeping my Minnesota head up but it has been a tough week not just in sports but personally too.



Last Friday I was told on Monday the whole Ohio State Athletic staff would be taking pictures to be put up on the website where our bios would be next to the photo for the whole world to see. Well I was excited because it meant I could wear my awesome jet black suite that all the ladies love. When I got home to try on my suite to make sure I still looked good in it, which I did, I started to notice something on my cheek. It was beginning to swell up, no matter I said probably a little pimple. Well it swelled bigger and bigger and I had no clue why. I think it was a allergic reaction to something or it could have been gout. I began to ice it thinking the cold would bring it down, it did not work I think it made it worse. That weekend I tried every method to make my cheek go down, I took pills, iced it again, face cleansers, and nothing was working. My last ditch effort was to pray for the best as I went to bed Sunday hoping a miracle would happen and my face would look just as good as it always does. Well I woke up Monday and notice the swelling was starting to engulf my eye basically it felt like high school pictures when I was in puberty. I put on my suite and tried to look my best but there is only so much you can do when it looks like you are 9 months pregnant on the side of your face. I went to work anyway, even though I could have called in sick, and got a lot of stares from coworkers and laughs. I went to the photographer and told him the situation . He tried to do as much as he could with the lighting and filtering his lense but there is only so much filtering you can do before it is too fuzz to see me. He assured me that they will be photoshoping them so I have nothing to worry about. Well I just got my ID back and I want to know what you think. I think they did a really good job and you can barely notice the swelling.