HOW DID I NOT THINK OF THIS!?!

I just discovered probably the coolest invention ever here in Columbus and mad I did not think of this before, so let me set this up like a bad infomercial for you.



How many of you have had this problem before?

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You are driving home from the bars when you want to get more beer, but you do not want to leave the comfortable confines of your car. There is no way to beat the system you have to get out of your car, go into a store and buy your beer. Plus when you get inside there is the problem of walking around, liquor store robberies, and the constant threat of terrorists, there's got to be a better way!


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Well now there is...with the Drive Thru Liquor Store!


With the Drive Thru Liquor Store now you can just drive into to a garage looking building, get your booze, and pay without ever leaving your car. This amazing invention saves time, money and gets you drunk quicker, who can beat that.




Here is the picture below of what I am talking about and wish I came up with this idea because it is a perfect service for drunks on the go.

It Pays to work at Ohio State

Don't let me fool you, it pays to work here at Ohio State. I mean besides the monthly stipend just mentioning where I work around here gets people to like me a lot. I called to get basic cable setup at my apartment because it was cheapest and as I was talking to the sales person on the phone he asked what I did for a living, I mentioned how I worked for the Ohio State Buckeyes the guy was so excited for me. He put me on hold and when he came back he said he found a special offer going on right now for the same price as basic cable I can get digital cable. Why the hell not would I do it, so I did. When I called back about some billing stuff I got a different sales rep and told him I was on a special offer and he looked at my sheet and told me that the guy gave me $20 off my cable bill for no reason. Another example I was buying gas at the station and went inside and my bill, it was $20.03 I gave the clerk a $20 and was about to get some change out of my pocket when the clerk told me to keep my money, I did not even explain to him that I worked for the Buckeyes and he pulled some money from a special holder on the counter, I think that holder is just for Buckeye employees like myself. Things are looking up for me.

Pat Moment #572

OK who had 6 days? Who predicted that in 6 days I would have my first Pat Moment here at Ohio? If you picked 6 days congratulations, please come down to claim your prize a nice upside down cake.

Well I knew it was going to happen eventually I was just hoping it would have been more than a week before I embarrassed myself in front of my coworkers, but again it is me. Let me set the scene for you...

When you work in athletics you get a lot of cool "swag" which is just basically promotional crap like key chains, tote bags, and toilet plungers, you know the usual. Since I have started here I was given a lot of Ohio State "swag" a cup, a pom pom, a stress balloon, t-shirts, and a water bottle. That day I was playing with the stress balloon, now these are balloons with the Ohio State logo on it that you can grip it to relieve all that stress that builds up for a 23 year old like me. I was really griping this balloon because again I have a lot of stress in my life and just when the stress was building up to a point of rage where I could have gone postal on everyone when all of the sudden the balloon popped and the contents that was inside, which was sand, went all over me, my desk, and my computer. Of course all my coworkers laughed at what happen to me while I am sitting in a pile of sand at my work station. I tried to brush myself off, but you know sand it will not go away just as bad as glitter. Just chalk up another moment for Pat, but at least this time I did not cry until I got home, then I jumped into the shower with my clothes on, turned on the cold water, got into the fetal position and just cried.

Are you a terrorist? It is ok you can tell me.

I do not know how many of you have recently gotten a new job, but I noticed something when I was filling out paper work for Ohio State. I was in fill out the usual documents like my W-4, Health Insurance, and power of attorney when they handed me a new document to sign. This one asks me if I am or have ever been apart of a terrorist organization that is on the U.S. list of terror. There were five questions asking me yes or no if I am a terrorist. Now I am not saying that this is racist or that the Patriot Act is a invasion of our privacy, but I began thinking about this if I was an actual terrorist and filling out this form. (I am not a terrorist, I love America, and please government stop reading my blog) Now, if a terrorist was actually filling out this form would you think they would actually answer yes to these questions? Like this is our best line of defense against terrorists, the same type of questionnaire that people survey about what they like about their fabric softener. I was getting nervous when answering the questions in case I did screw up an circled yes that I was a terrorist and wondering if I did, then all of the sudden the office gets raided by FBI agents and I am drugged and taken off to Guantanamo Bay. Luckily I passed with flying colors and am a proud American. Strange, there is this Flower Delivery van with a satellite on top parked outside my apartment all the time...how long does it take to deliver flowers?

Baby you can drive my car

Sorry for not posting in a while but I just got Internet at home so let me try to catch you up on things:

It has been one week since I officially arrived in Ohio State and there were some complications on the way. First I was going to leave Minnesota on Monday morning around 4am for the 12 hour drive with my mom and my lady mobile aka the lady getter aka PT Cruiser, really it was the 94 Ford Escort Wagon. Well fate decided that the lady getter has served its time and decided to crap out on me and was just about to kill me if I attempted to drive to Ohio with it. Well with the cost higher than the car would be worth I decided to purchase my mothers car which was a total change of scenery for me…are you ready…ladies look out, next time I will be picking you up in my new 98 Subaru Outback Wagon. The wagon life line continues, I am like a soccer mom but with wagons. Anyway do to all this we did not leave MN till about 1 pm which meant we got into Ohio at 3am their time. Needless to say it was a long trip. But there was some humor along the trip. We took a gas break just after crossing into Indiana at around midnight and I went to the bathroom in this gas station and usually in side men's restrooms there is typically a condom machine, because I know when someone is about get lucky you need to swing by 7-Eleven first. But what about the people who are not getting lucky...Yet. Well have no fear because in this restroom their was a machine for condoms and a machine that sprayed cologne. For a quarter you got to choose from 5 different popular colognes, stand right in front of the machine, move a dial to your cologne and then push in a button to get sprayed on. Sadly no matter what cologne comes out they still smell all the same...a 7-Eleven bathroom.

Please be gentle, it's my first time

There are three great inventions in the history of mankind and here they are in order:

1: The Wheel
2: Sliced Bread
3: The Internet

That's it. That is the whole list, those are the greatest things mankind has done. Nothing more needs to be added to the list, I just did it, your welcome.

Before the Internet came along the 3rd spot was reserved for the plastic caps at the end of shoelaces called Aglet's, but when you have an invention that is basically 3/4 adult websites and the other 1/4 being people writing their opinions on which is better Star Wars or Star Trek, than you got to give the Internet the 3rd spot.

Well with that said I am a virgin to this blog thingy that kids are doing so much on the Internet these days. I started this to keep in touch with past friends who did not want to talk to me but maybe just want to read about me. So here is Pat's Pantheon, and for those who do not know what Pantheon is, Webster defines it as :

(noun)
1. the place of the heroes or idols of any group, individual, movement, party, etc., or the heroes or idols themselves
2.A temple dedicated to all gods

So basically this is my temple that is dedicated to your hero, me.

My blog will be a place where you can hear about how work is going at Ohio State, how I have been striking out with the ladies, and any other funny Pat Stories (again Pat Stories are those stories in which things that sound far fetch or ridiculous only happen to me). This blog is only to talk about my life, I will not get preachy on why the Garfield movie is better than The Godfather, any political stuff, basically I will not get on a soap box. I will though bring up more interesting things like, why do they call them jumping jacks? Was Jack the first one to invent this (#57 on the list) I would call them jumping "X's" makes more sense than jacks.

I will also give life lessons to you young ones out there about the real world. Pat Lesson 1: When having a phone job interview that is in different time zones, make sure you know what time, in which time zone, the phone interview takes place. So you do not miss the phone interview by an hour.

See helpful lessons.

Thank you for joining Pat's Pantheon, keep checking back for more postings and give some suggestions on how to improve my blog, I was thinking of designating a song to be read with each post so you can feel my emotion as you read it, but that could be something later down the line.

Keep on Rocking in the free world!

(thanks for being gentle with me, that was not so bad, I could get addictive to this, I bet the ultimate fantasy is posting two blogs at the same time, that would be sweet.)